Daily Drunk: Jack Bauer

Kiefer Sutherland finds himself half naked in a strip club in London

Via Examiner.com: "There are drunks, and then there's Kiefer Sutherland. He's a veritable expert at intoxicated tomfoolery. Yesterday, he was spotted stumbling around London's Covent Garden Hotel, shirtless and wasted, after being escorted out of Stringfellow's Gentlemen's Club, where his apparently non-genteel behavior and inability to handle his booze earned him a headlock from a bouncer. Hey, when Kiefer gets thrown out, he goes all the way!

Apparently, the paparazzi stalkarazzing him around London report that he was already a hot drunken mess at 2 a.m, when a friend picked him up to hit up the strip club. At some point during the night, Kiefer grew tired of British boobs and decided to show off his own, removing his shirt. The other patrons of the establishment and the owner didn't find this nearly as amusing as Kiefer 'check it out, dude, I took my pants off' Sutherland, so they asked him to put those moobs away like the decent fellow he was. He laughed, and so his evening there was cut short. The headlock, the owner says, is merely a trick of photography, because his departure was an amicable decision made between Sutherland's friend and the club."

Leave it up to Jack Bauer to be crowned the Daily Drunk here at F2DD.  Look, I stopped watching the show because it just got so ridiculous and predictable it wasn't worth the time of day.  Truth is, if Jack Bauer played Kiefer Sunderland's real life character the show would be a lot more entertaining.  Nothing like blacking out and challenging British strippers at their own club.  Jack once quoted this during an early episode of 24...Read it with an open mind and just imagine what he means by "towel" once he's sloshed up off a few brewski's at a strip club...

“You probably don’t think I could force this towel down your throat, but trust me I can. All the way. Except that I’d hold onto this little bit at the end. When your stomach starts to digest the towel, I pull it out. Taking your stomach lining with it. Most people probably take about a week to die. It’s very painful.”

Real Life Weekend at Bernie’s: Two Women Try to Smuggle Dead Man onto Plane

LONDON - Two women were arrested at a British airport on suspicion of trying to smuggle a dead relative onto a flight bound for Germany, police said on Tuesday.

The 91-year-old deceased man was pushed in a wheelchair through Liverpool's John Lennon airport wearing sunglasses before check-in staff became suspicious on Saturday and he was prevented from boarding the plane. He was believed to have been driven about 35 miles to the airport by taxi from Oldham, Greater Manchester, police added.

The women were arrested on suspicion of failing to give notification of a death and were released on bail.

The cause of death is not known.

These women have obviously seen Weekend at Bernie’s and know all the tricks. But while the authorities are busy trying to figure out the cause of death, I am more curious about the motive. What were these women trying to accomplish? Maybe they were terrorists trying to smuggle a bomb on the plane in the dead guy’s ass hole? This seems unlikely, but you never know. Maybe they just wanted to get him home as cheaply as possible. I don’t know. Is it more expensive to FedEx a corpse than it is to just buy the poor sucker a plane ticket?